Unfaithful
I shall not worship you,
It is not required...
Take me into you,
Ravage my body,
And devour me fully,
Pierce my soul with your tongue.
Position my body in your direction,
Delicately,
Bite my flesh, and lick the whelps
He has risen on my beating heart.
Slap me, bind me, then
release me, and inhabit
my desires. Liberate
my mind and call it,
Nirvana.
I'm not really sure if this poem will be understood the way I meant for it to be. I was trying to make a reference to religion. The sexual connotations are definitely there, but I'm not sure if there has been enough added for readers to recognize the religious undertones. Help?
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Actually, I saw the opposite. It looked like you were talking about sex, but using religious undertones! I would make the religious things more clear, and not make them seem overtly sexual. You use interesting images, but they are very sexual.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused by Deborah's response? You're saying yes, the sexual references are there, but it's meant to be about religion, right, Brandy?
ReplyDeleteI totally got that. It wasn't until the stanza where "He" is italicized, and I was taken by surprise by the revelation that it was about religion, but I got it without having to think about it.
What about a reference to stigmata, somehow? It would fit in with the violent yet sexual images. I think this is great. I'd like to see it a lot longer, actually.
I love you guys! :) I will try to work in all the suggestions made. Yes,the poem is supposed to be about religion, Jenna. I will try to make it longer and I love the stigmata idea.
ReplyDelete