#13

Pantoums

Ok, I'm going to start out very honest. I had a really hard time with the pantoum this week. It took me a very long time to complete the one I did and frankly it stinks. So I plan to revise and re-work it so that I can give it to the class for more revisions and suggestions. I have a new goal in life... Conquer Pantoums! I thought I would post the stinky one so that you guys could give me suggestions before I re-work it.

Traveling Charleston and Main

From where do these ruthless people come?
Is it not enough to be a lady,
we curtsey gracefully, polite fully so?
We do wear our dresses and our bonnets.

Is it not enough to be a lady?
We cross our legs and pin our hair,
when we wear our dresses and our bonnets.
But the old women scowl and heave as if we did something wrong.

We cross our legs and pin our hair,
in fear of the cold night's draft.
The old women still scowl and heave as if we did something wrong.
Perhaps they are envious of our beauty.

They fear the cold night's draft.
The old hag's health is declining.
They are envious of our beauty,
and do not care for us at all.

The old hag's health is rapidly declining.
We still curtsey gracefully, polite fully so.
But they do not care for us at all.
From where do these ruthless people come?


I was going for an older time. The ladies are prostitutes and the old women obviously do not approve. I do not think this idea is very clear so any suggestions would be much appreciated.